Lately, I have been struggling with some very heavy issues. Issues that are parts of life that really, really matter. Issues that (for me at least ) don’t have easy or quick answers and honestly, a lot of the answers won’t come until waaaaay after the choices are made. So as a person who likes routine and control over things….I’m at times so frustrated and paralyzed by fear that it makes me rather depressed.
I look around me and see people living life in their own ways, seemingly happy and knowing who they are and where they are going. Sometimes I wonder if this is really the case though. Don’t they have doubts and fears too, or is it me and I’m over-thinking EVERYTHING?!? Sometimes I wonder the big question of “WHY?” Why me? Why this? Why that? Why not? Why, why, why……why?!!! And then I start to question myself as to the “WHY” I am having such a hard time feeling settled, feeling grounded and purposeful. I have so much – truly I do. Perhaps it is just trying to get everything into focus and get it synced that I am having struggles with.
It is hard homeschooling. There is no denying this. But, on the flip-side, in my opinion, there is nothing that is more freeing, full of opportunity and unlimited potential than homeschooling. And of course, there is nothing better for a child with neurodevelopmental struggles than homeschooling. You can be so specific with what it is that your working on and you can take your own sweet time to get the lesson/life skill/behavior(s) seed planted and all ready to grow in that rich soil of a brain. The flip on this too, is that as a parent you are learning so much yourself – about yourself. There isn’t much denying who you are when you are faced with all sorts of reflective lessons during each day. How you respond to frustration, the tone of your voice when you answer the same question or request for the billionth time. Sitting at the table and trying to get your child to eat something other than bread or chicken nugget products….. Yes, in the world of special-needs parenting you have much to look forward too, and a good majority of it is looking at yourself and how you are moving through life nurturing and growing these children of ours.
This brings me to why I titled my post “Sticking it Out”. Over the past few months it has been a real struggle for me. There are times where I have seen absolutely no forward motion….days where backsliding seems to be the trend around here and then comes the over-thinking, analyzing and basically perfectionistic attitude towards myself and what I am doing wrong. All sorts of voices start reverberating through my head…..doubtful thoughts of “how did I ever think I could do this” ,“am I truly doing the “right” thing”, and “are my choices actually supporting their needs?”. Blah, blah, blah….. It feels like these types of thoughts have been the constant drone in my head and really getting to me. Somewhere though, a person just really has to either dig in and re-trench or choose a different path. Truly commit or make the shift to something else.
After looking at so many other paths and going over and over in my head what my core values are and how I function best (and my children of course!), I decided that I am sticking it out. I am going to continue on the journey as to what I feel works best for us and our approach to learning. In a way, we are kind of out-of-the-norm for people in our area. We live on a farm and stay pretty low-key in terms of lots of “extra” things going on. Truthfully, we DO have a lot going on – day-to-day living and all the practical life skills being worked through and mastered, taking care of livestock and gardens, chopping wood and other projects outdoors. I write this blog and run a successful international essential oil business and am a business mentor/leader, am active in my Jewish community and so are my boys. We go to the library on a regular basis and do lots of reading outside of “school work” reading. Both boys are Lego fanatics and are constantly building and now, even making stop-motion movies. So many things that we do DO and so many things that ARE positive.
I would like to know from you dear readers what YOUR life looks like. What kind of struggles do you have and how do you work through those? I love building this community of support with you and it gives me such a happy heart to be able to share our hopes, fears, desires and struggles together – because truly, none of us are alone unless we choose to be.